I have lived in the UK for over five years, running into my 6th year already. However, as it is generally held, “life is not always smooth and straight” I understand that life, most of the time is full of ‘zig and zag’ just like it’s characterized with ups and downs. My story is not different after all. I have had my good times too, and I consider this time as my most trying moment.
I am writing this note, not exactly because I regret my action of taking full control of a married Pastor, but because I have sensed something that is really not going to work for me in the most positive way, if I keep this pregnancy. I don’t regret my action because I understand that pastors too are human beings, and have the same feelings like the rest of us. He slept with me, got me impregnated; so what?
However, a little of the background will give you an insight into how it all started. I understand that as human beings, we cannot cheat nature. I’m one of the Choristers in the church, and there is this magnet that pulls the pastor and I together. It is like a magnetic force. However, he had explained to me in the most pathetic way one day on how the wife had starved him of sex for months all in the name of spirituality. He only said that passively anyway. He also complained bitterly, while I listened with superlative attention on how the wife hardly ever satisfy him on bed. I actually wanted to satisfy him, as I’m such an emotional and considerate person. I am very sure God won’t judge me negatively because of my kind gesture. I only tried to satisfy a man who was dying of hunger, he was been starved of sex and I had to leave spirituality behind to get him satisfied.
I remember how it all started, and like a Hollywood movie, the scenes reeled from one to the other and we had our fun in different hotels after every church meeting. I must always wait for the Pastor who will convey me to my house. After all, he is a pastor, and no one would suspect that any ‘dirty’ romance was going on between us. He confessed that I had made him feel like a man, and I was just proud of myself. I will always node in exhilaration knowing very well that if I can satisfy another man, then I can satisfy my man. This is something every young lady should be proud of. I am not trying to patronize my action, but only being reasonable about some sensitive sexual matters.
Yes, we did, and since then, I have been excommunicated from the church. In fact, the whole thing remained secret until he got me impregnated, and I confronted him for an abortion. To my consternation, he refuted my suggestion; he wanted me to keep the baby. I had moved against it. I had given him reasons why I shouldn’t keep the baby. I don’t want to jeopardize my dream of getting married at the age of 26 which is just less than a year. I told him that I must get rid of the baby. But he has vowed to sue me if I do. He is happy that at least what he had waited for endlessly since he got married in 2000 has come to fruition as God has finally opened the doors through me. Yes, he never had a child since he got married, and age is really not on his side. I can’t get his words off my head; “ I want this baby like yesterday” he said.
This disagreement has put me in the public glare today as my close friends whom I divulged the situation to, had reported the matter to the church committee, and I have since been excommunicated. Everybody talks about me as if I have done something so strange. My concern really is not about what people are saying but to get a little piece of your advice on whether I should keep the baby against my wish, or go for an abortion. I know what I want but I still need your advice in order to justify the action I’m about to take. In the next five days, I should be able to take a major decision. Thank you for publishing my story.
No comments:
Post a Comment